Help Me to Trust You

Help me to trust You!

 

My plea came out of hurt.  My plea came out of painful trials.  I reacted in the trial as an indignant, spoiled child.  It was hard and I didn’t think I deserved it.  I searched why I was so hurt, why I was so afraid.  I wasn’t trusting Him in this kind of hardship. 

 

I asked Him to prove Himself, to show me that I can trust Him.  In a way it was manipulative and angry, coming out of hurting and fear.  I wanted Him to show me He was good.  That I could trust.  I expected Him to remove the pain and hardship and give me security in the way I wanted to see it.  

 

He did begin to do the things I had hoped for.  He showed mercy.  Mercy in His grace because what I was asking for came out of my motives of self gratification and earthly security.  And even in that place of asking, He was answering me. I couldn’t reflect on this or even recognize it until He showed me the other...

 

As I listened to a song, the realization of God becoming man from His great holiness to someone like me in great lowliness was never more real.  I closed my eyes and sensed deep within me His transition from the breath of Creator to the breath of a babe.  His beauty and might to something so fragile and meek.  I felt His descent into flesh.  It was as though I was there amidst His Spirit’s transition.  It was so real.  I felt all the universe watching with me in darkened, reverent silence.

 

Then, I saw Him.  He was on the cross.  His head crowned in thorns and hanging down.    He slowly lifted and turned His head and  looked up at me with His blood wet face and eyes filled with love and longing.  He looked right into my eyes as if saying, “For you,” and then slowly lowered his head again.  

 

I cried like I never had before.

 

It is everything.  It is what He did, truly what He has done that is my place of trust.  There is no greater love than that.  No greater desire for my well-being than that act of incredible love.  That is the place of my trust.  That is it, in its purest form.  No act can compare to that kind of faithfulness and love.  Yet, He was showing me mercy even in my original heart of selfish fear to prove I could trust Him by doing some of the things I wanted.  

 

The comparison of that kind of humble love and mercy even to satisfy my selfish want reaches me to a depth within that I had not known went so deep.  Deeper than my person, His mercy and love is made known.  In an imperfect, self-centered request, as my mistrust were thorns upon His head, He fulfilled answering my desires and in His loveliness, He showed me the ultimate depth of His love to mine.

 

Who is this LORD that we were made for such love?  One Who walks with us, carries us and selflessly shows one so weak how strong He is. By His Love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8   Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

Philippians 2:5-8   Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.